“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Before moving to Santa Monica in 2011, I spent almost ten years living on the east coast, and six of those years were in New York City. All of those years were with my husband, Sean, and the one thing he always said to me was something like: “You just never seem content with what you have going on now. What is it that you keep searching for?” Part of that feeling, I knew, was just from the ambitious and competitive energy of NYC, but I also knew that it was something more than that, and I never (at that time) had the answer. I absolutely knew Sean was right – that there was something missing from my life. I assumed it was some sort of “dream job.” I couldn’t even really put my finger on exactly what I was feeling, or what triggered it, but I do know “that feeling” became stronger as I got older (as my “clock started ticking”).
So you probably have guessed where I’m going with this . . . I know now that “missing piece” was motherhood. It’s ironic too because I actually held off on pregnancy longer than I thought I would because I kept taking on new jobs or projects, thinking they were the missing piece – but none of them ever seemed to fill that void. From the moment I held my first born, Landon, in my arms, that “search” was completed. The ache in my heart, for something better or more important, was gone. If only I had known . . . I would have told my younger self, “Don’t worry. Just enjoy the moments. Something greater than you can imagine is coming. I’ll be worth the wait.”
These “better things,” that Marilyn speaks of, are where you least suspect them. I don’t consider myself a “baby person.” Babies have never really been my thing. I didn’t babysit as a teen, and even when my friends had babies, I was never really into them. Needless to say, I was a little nervous about whether I’d actually like having one of my own. Again, all that changed with Landon and Liam just added to it. I may not be a “baby person,” but I am a “Landon & Liam person.”
Now I’m not saying that becoming a mother made me stop exploring my career goals, but I will say that it put a lot of it in perspective and definitely changed my priorities. And yes, maybe I ended up letting some “good things fall apart,” but for sure I’ve had “better things fall together,” and for me that is enough . . . for now.